The woman with whom I am currently engaged is a yoga teacher, counselor, and public speaker. She is well known and highly regarded and about to become exponentially more widely known and highly regarded. A part of me begins to shutter at her imminent success and what it could mean for our relationship. I want to cast everything in bronze and fix it forever. Uncertainty abides. I sit, wait. I’m listening for the deepest resonance within me related to her impending recognition. Sting’s song “If You Love Someone Set Them Free” comes into my awareness and I take it as an indication. I remember times when my heart, fully open, felt invincible–like nothing could harm the essential nature of its spacious, giving, and generous warmth. My fear and foreboding change like a current passing around some fixed object resting on the ocean floor. I feel loosening, acceptance, and trust.
Increasingly curious and excited with wonder I ponder how big my heart can get if I keep it open like this. I resolve to try it and see. Moving into the first steps of this query I remember that if I find my heart closed or closing in some future moment I can always return here, to the felt-sense memory of this moment. This open-heartedness feels new yet ancient and familiar. By sitting with and settling into the sharp corners and uncomfortable edges of my experience life becomes my practice. Yoga means uniting, connecting. Once again I release little me into big me; ego into Tao. Like breathing into tight hamstrings on the mat I breath into the dark and sticky corners of my life off the mat. Spaciousness returns.
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